Can't Shoot 'Em
by Lari White
(spoken)
ADRIANA
Neither my husband nor the slave returned
That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
LUCIANA
Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.
A man is master of his liberty;
Time is their master, and when they see time
They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANA
Why should their liberty than ours be more?
LUCIANA
Because their business still lies out o’ door.
ADRIANA
This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANA
Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
ADRIANA
But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANA
Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey.
(The Comedy of Errors, Act II, Scene I. Lines 1-11, 26-29)
(sung)
LUCIANA
Adriana, a woman finds her joy in one man
That’s the way of the world since before time began
or she risks ending up a nun in Westminster
or a wicked loose woman, or worse yet a spinster
ADRIANA
Little sister, it’s clear what you lack in experience
you more than make up for it in innocent ignorance
When the honeymoon’s over and the romance is done
You’ll be wanting to trade that gold ring for a gun
But, you can’t shoot ‘em
they’ll drive you insane
but you can’t shoot ‘em
with a slug through the brain
it’ll stomp your last nerve ’til you’re ready to boot ‘em
But you can’t live them,
And you can’t shoot ‘em
(spoken)
LUCIANA
Oh, know he’s the bridle of your will.
ADRIANA
There’s none but asses will be bridled so
LUCIANA
Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.
(Act II. Scene I. Lines 13-15)
ADRIANA
For one bright, golden moment you’re a grown single girl
With a dozen young bucks, yeah, on top of the world
Then you’re married and miserable wondering, “Where is he?”
You’re hog-tied to the kitchen while he’s out getting busy
LUCIANA
But you can’t shoot ‘em
They’re gonna drive you insane
But you can’t shoot em
With a slug through the brain
It’ll stomp your last nerve ‘til you’re ready to boot ‘em
So don’t try to recruit ‘em
‘Cause you’ll just have to love ‘em
So you can’t live with em
And you can’t shoot ‘em