Comedy of Errors

Can't Shoot 'Em

by Lari White

Neither my husband nor the slave returned
That in such haste I sent to seek his master?
Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.

LUCIANA Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.
A man is master of his liberty;
Time is their master, and when they see time
They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.

Why should their liberty than ours be more?

Because their business still lies out o’ door.

This servitude makes you to keep unwed.

Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.

But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.

Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey.
(The Comedy of Errors, Act II, Scene I. Lines 1-11, 26-29)

Adriana, a woman finds her joy in one man That’s the way of the world since before time began
or she risks ending up a nun in Westminster
or a wicked loose woman, or worse yet a spinster

Little sister, it’s clear what you lack in experience
you more than make up for it in innocent ignorance
When the honeymoon’s over and the romance is done
You’ll be wanting to trade that gold ring for a gun

But, you can’t shoot ‘em
they’ll drive you insane
but you can’t shoot ‘em
with a slug through the brain
it’ll stomp your last nerve ’til you’re ready to boot ‘em
But you can’t live them,
And you can’t shoot ‘em

Oh, know he’s the bridle of your will.
There’s none but asses will be bridled so
Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.

(Act II. Scene I. Lines 13-15)

For one bright, golden moment you’re a grown single girl
With a dozen young bucks, yeah, on top of the world
Then you’re married and miserable wondering, “Where is he?”
You’re hog-tied to the kitchen while he’s out getting busy

But you can’t shoot ‘em
They’re gonna drive you insane
But you can’t shoot em
With a slug through the brain
It’ll stomp your last nerve ‘til you’re ready to boot ‘em
So don’t try to recruit ‘em
‘Cause you’ll just have to love ‘em
So you can’t live with em
And you can’t shoot ‘em